Welcome to Summer School! I decided to take the opportunity this summer to act on some requests and talk about some things that are just begging to be addressed.
Let’s bring back our old friend, “Sally-the-Server,” shall we? So, imagine the following scenario:
When Sally got off work from the MoreMoo Steakhouse, she decides to go to the local watering hole, “Drinky Drink” to have a nightcap. After she get’s there and gets settled, she asks Betty the bartender to fix a Cosmo for her. Betty begins to fix the drink, then turns to her co-worker, Bob, and says, “You know, Bob, I’m sooo sick of these cows that come up in here and think that they are all That AND a bag of chips…” She then turns back to Sally and hands her the Cosmo with a half-hearted smile.
Sally is pissed off! She slaps $7 on the bar, grabs her stuff, and high-tails it out of there. She thinks to herself, “Screw Betty! Who does she think SHE is, calling ME a cow?? I’m never going to Drinky Drink again!”
A couple of days later, when telling her friend Aurora about the incident, Aurora says to Sally, “Well, Sally, you don’t know for sure that she was referring to you… Perhaps you should just forget about what happened and keep it pushin’. Sally says, “Hmph. I don’t care. I may forgive, but I’m definitely not forgetting!”
Has anything like this happened to you? Somebody says or does something that just pisses you off, and you vow never to cross that person’s path again, or to forget what they have done or said to you? If so, let me ask you this: Who do you think suffers more from your putting the freeze on someone: you or them? With the above scenario, do you think Drinky Drink will crumble to its knees, go out of business, and the owner lay on the ashes in misery thinking, “Ohh, if only Sally had continued to patronize my bar, I wouldn’t be out of business!” Do you think Betty the Bartender will have any idea why Sally stormed out, or will magically stop referring to people as cows? What if she wasn’t even referring to Sally with the cow reference? And more importantly, what if she WAS? If you were Sally, what would you do?
Many people tend to think of forgiveness as some sign of weakness, or that thay are inviting people to walk all over them like a doormat. T’ain’t so! Let me ask you: does it take more strength, maturity, and courage to forgive, or, to hold on to some rancid feeling you might have?
Consider this info from Edwene Gaines1:
Harboring a grudge completely blocks our ability to have peace of mind. All sorts of studies indicate that negative thoughts, feelings, words, and behaviors affect our mental and physical health, our success, and our self-worth. An unwillingness to forgive is like stabbing ourselves with a knife and expecting the person who did us wrong to feel the pain. Forgiveness is not something we do for the sake of another person. Forgiveness is something we do for ourselves. (p.119)
I.e., free yourself and let it go! And if you can’t do that yet, just “bless her heart” and keep it pushin’ 🙂
P.S. In my next lesson, I think I’ll talk some more about this, share some of my own personal stories of forgiveness, and give you some tools to help You work on forgiveness. Trust me: It’s SUCH a liberating thing!
1,Gaines, E. (2005). The Four Spiritual Laws of Prosperity: A Simple Guide to Unlimited Abundance. USA: Rodale, Inc.